Thoughts on Commuting

More and more people are able to telecommute as technology improves and employers come round to the idea, but chances are you’ll have to spend at least some of your career travelling to and from work. At first it may seem best just to rent near the workplace, but over time that may become less practical - it costs a lot of money to rent a large house with a garden near a good school in London, for example, so if you want those things you may have to look elsewhere.

Lots of studies have been done on the disastrous impact of commuting on mental health, but they tend to be US-based works where ‘commute’ is synonymous with ‘driving’. It doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s my tips:

1. Don’t drive to work. Really, don’t. I tried it. You’re at the mercy of traffic, so can never consistently arrive on time. You’ll always hit congestion on the day when it’s really important you arrive on time. You have the illusion of control without really being in control, which sends the blood pressure through the roof.
2. Trains are also out of your control, but you know that in advance and can be at peace with it. They are also more consistent, despite the hysteria about declining standards. Furthermore, since you aren’t driving you can just get your head in a book and the time flies.
3. Check out the train service where you want to live. In 2014 the c2c service through Laindon is great - punctual, comfortable, not too crowded, not too expensive. The line through Billericay, on the other hand, is an overpriced uncomfortable sack of crap.
4. Live near a station where a service starts and get a seat. It makes a world of difference - an overcrowded rush hour train seems remarkably civilised when you have a nice window seat.
5. Don’t sit next to the aisle - you’ll get jostled to hell. Don’t sit in the priority seating if you have a choice. If you have no choice, don’t be an asshole about it. Give it to someone that needs it.
6. Try variations to your journey that minimise changes, or that make changes easy. It’s better to have a 60 minute commute with one change than a 50 minute commute with three changes. The less disruption the better - keep your seat, read your book.
7. Personally, I find commuting more tolerable in the morning. Try to get to work early and leave early, if you can.

You Are Not The Centre Of The World

As a child you have always been at the centre of family life, with people who care for you and put your needs first as often as possible. The world, however, does not and will not.

It can be a difficult wake-up call to realise that, sometimes, perfect strangers are quite prepared to stab you in the back. All your life adults - e.g. parents, teachers, etc - have by and large wanted you to succeed, have encouraged you, have helped you out when you have faced failure. As an adult yourself, though, you will occasionally run into people that want you to fail, will hold you back, and will stick the boot in when you most need a helping hand.

Fortunately not everyone is like that, but be prepared to deal with it. Some people will want to make you look bad to further their own career, to drive a wedge between you and someone else, to get something they want, or simply because they're assholes.

Always be polite and civil to people you meet, but make them earn your trust. Conversely, be prepared to give them your trust when they've earned it, otherwise you'll turn into a cynical loner. Protect yourself and your identity and your privacy at all times, in person or on the internet. Don't give anyone ammunition they can use against you, unless and until they have your trust.

There is a corollary to this - people will not put up with your bullshit. You may, at times, get away with things among your close friends and family. You might be late to meet your friends, and they won't mind. You might borrow a few quid from someone and pay it back later than promised, and be forgiven. You might throw tantrums to get what you want, or you might be excused for some failure or other by the people who love you. The rest of the world will not extend the same courtesy. People have to earn your trust, but by the same token you will have to earn theirs.